Guest blogger Boyoung Ahn is a PGY-1 intern in Internal Medicine at Johns Hopkins Medicine.
I hope this white coat hides
a weary body
the weight of learning woven
through every seam
quiet doubts that settle within
to you I am a doctor
calm certain
whole
forgive me if my nod
comes one beat too soon
or hangs a little longer
I want to understand your story
though I can’t
not yet
not fully
here I stand only beginning
to imagine
another complete blood count
chest x-ray
echocardiogram
rituals of hope
disguised as diagnostics
I order them
searching for the answers
for clarity
deep down
I am aware
no lab measures the sorrow in your gaze
no image captures
the steel beneath your silence
and no vancomycin
no prednisone
heals the core of you
where medicine doesn’t reach
I wish I could give more
hold your hands
comfort
instead all I carry
are figures
shadows
breaths
and my imperfections
still I
will return each day
before sunrise
wearing this white coat
not just to treat illness and relieve
pain
but to be human
with you
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